Post Office adopt radical new strategy to keep the network Open
April 1st 2016
You may have heard reports of nearby Post Offices closing or maybe it has happened to your local one. Some have moved into other local shops with great fan fair only to be unceremonious dumped months later once the owner realise how little pay they get vs the work, training and general aggravation of dealing with Post Office and its “customers”. However Post Office has unveiled a radical new plan to prevent further branch closures.
Post Office’s very own spin Doctor and his boss the know as the “Rev” announced at the site of the latest Post Office set to close that as a result the office will be staying put for the time been. This 12th hour reprieve for the office came about due to there new policy of invoking “Squatters Rights”
When asked to explain how this would work in practice there own clown prince of communications issued reply with the following
“This is a business and not a residential building so technically we are not committing a crime”
“We will be camping out here in the secure area and ensuring no equipment or Post Office Material is removed”
“This way we can ensure the Post Office remains on the list of open offices and thus prevent even a temporary closure”
When asked if Post Office had indeed lost the plot the Post Office representative was quick to counter.
“Serving the community has always been at the heart of my Job”
“This is quite simply the best plan we have come up with in ever”
“Besides it not like we have anything better to do back at HQ”
Ask about the open times and service that will be provided it would seem to be less that ideal.
“Services, don’t be silly. Neither of us have the slightest idea on how to operate the Horizon system and even if we did we are not touching it with a barge pole given the whole second sight debacle and pending legal actions”
The Rev added
“We having no interest in losing any of our own money”
We also asked the Store owner for comment on this strange turn of events and he admitted the following.
“Post Office have been free-loading off me for years, they have never paid any rent and the odd bit of money they give me rarely covers costs”
“I wanted to ask them to leave but the old people around here love them and I did not want to upset them”
“Also there used to be this guy called forked tongued George or something like that, he’d tell me he would sort it and get me the best deal possible but it all turned out be a lie”
“I’m not worried though, they will soon get fed up of people asking them for Passport, DVLA or NSI forms they don’t have and leave”
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